The Equation Running Under Your Strengths
The idea we've been chewing on since my post on the Leadership Circle, is that the inner game runs the outer game. We spend whole careers upgrading the outer game, the skills, the credentials, the results, while itโs actually the inner game that runs the whole show, completely unsupervised. When I ask leaders about their strengths, the answers roll right out: rigor, expertise, reliability, excellence, going above and beyond. We all know it and many of us have it. But ask what all that is in service of, and itโs rare that I get a straight confident answer right away. ๐
In the first post of this series, I wrote about a leader whose strength, peacemaking, was also her hiding place. Today I bring you another strength in disguise, and this time it's a big one: drive towards excellence.ย
BEST IN CLASS
One of my clients is a data specialist at one of the biggest global tech companies, and she is the definition of excellence. She does the work beyond expectation: the deep, patient work that makes everyone else's analysis possible. "I love doing the ground work," she told me, and she really means it. Her career philosophy fits in three words she used herself more than once: Being Best In Class. Pushing limits, driving results, succeeding, excelling, achieving beyond expectation. She learned early, and from more directions than one, that she'd have to out-perform in order to survive, belong and thrive. That lesson had lived in her deeply, and led her to always push herself to stretch something beyond her boundaries in every way, mentally and physically. In her world, out-performing has become a tool for accessing all the things that life has to offer.ย
And, by golly, this has been working out for her wonderfully! She has chosen to study and work in different countries from early on. She now leads a team of data scientists at the most renowned tech company of our time and influences the way technology shapes all of our lives. Sheโs a triathlete and runs daily. (This alone makes her a super human being in my book.) Sheโs a mother of a beautiful child and a partner to a supportive husband. ย Sheโs doing it all in the way she knows how: best in class.ย
However, when she came to coaching, she wanted to work on her visibility. She put it as sponsorship, as being "exposed to the right conversation." She lamented that "only so much trickles down to me." She wanted to be in the right room at the right table, which is composed of the (once again) โbest-in-class peopleโ with the right technicality, so that she could move things faster.ย
All of those concerns are real. And not just for women. For anyone whoโs ever looked around the room and found no one else like them, the external barriers are not just in your head, and no amount of inner work can make them magically disappear. The thing is we could've spent our sessions strategizing about rooms and sponsors, and those strategies have their place, of course. But the inner game was the lever she actually held, and we grabbed it the moment we started addressing what all that excellence was in service of or, in turn, costing her.ย
Your equation has been running for so long that you probably mistake it for your true identity.
THE EQUATION
Robert Anderson and William Adams, authors of Mastering Leadership, say there's an equation running under our strengths: "I am okay/worthy if I am X." For some of us, X is being liked and accepted. For others, X is being the smartest person in the room (I wrote about that type in June). For my client? X = achieving beyond expectation.
You might ask, whatโs so wrong with achieving beyond expectation? Nothing. In itself, at least. Excellence is a wonderful thing to want, of course! Wanting excellence makes us work hard and it allows us to enjoy and work toward finer things in life. Organizations can rely on these excellent people to drive excellent results and you render yourself useful, critical and valuable. Theyโre the backbone of high-achieving teams. Itโs excellent to be excellent, indeed!
However, the problem is the "I am okay if" part. ย When you run a strength through that clause long enough, it stops being a choice. You go into autopilot mode. You become so focused on producing such great results that nobody, including you, ever thinks to question: What else could there be beyond doing the work Iโm doing excellently? ย My client loved doing the groundwork. That passion is real, and no one can or should take that away from her. But that tunnel vision towards excellence blinded her from the important question that sets her up for expansion: At my most empowered state, how do I want to impact my greater systems?ย
THE FEAR
In our second conversation, she came prepared with the answer and rewrote her story. ย She wrote that - goosebumps alert! - she's a talented visionary who leads with authenticity and builds deeply useful, trustworthy products for millions of people.
Yes. You heard it right. Millions of people. What a beautiful, bold vision! ย
She felt good and excited about it. She felt at ease in such a new direction as well.ย
Then, it took about a second for fear to show up. "It's scary," she said. "Fear is my worst enemy."
We unpacked the fear, and it was along the lines of what would other people think of her for claiming a sentence that big. (Fair!) Then, she quickly debunked herself, remembering a conversation she had with a mentor in a separate context, who hit her with a comment: "Why do you care what other people think? You need agency." The comment was making more sense to her now as she started seeing that what other people thought of her vision didnโt really matter. She was piecing things together finally. ย (I deeply regret that I didnโt stand up and applaud her at that very moment. ๐๐๐)
Notice how it happened because this is the whole point of the post. The fear did NOT show up while she was busy being Best In Class. Of course not, because the equation exists precisely to keep fear away: stay where you are and keep doing what you do well already, which is to achieve beyond expectation, and nobody gets to question your value or whether you belong. The fear showed up at the exact moment she tried to author a bigger identity, because that's when the old equation raises its hand and objects. Self-authoring with greater systems impact in mind is the bold inside-out move. Once this has happened, she is not waiting for the right room to tell her who she is. She writes who she is first, and then demotes the rooms from judge to negotiating partner. If you read the peacemaker's story, you'll recognize this exact turn: inner vision first, then negotiate with the world's expectations.
FACT: fear and doubt are signals that you're doing something new or daring. (I recently got my own crash course on this. See: me, buying my office in a fit of glorious defiance. ๐
) When the fear arrives right on schedule, it doesn't mean your new attempt, direction or identity is wrong. It simply means youโre stepping out of your comfort zone.
The old equation objects right on schedule, the moment you dream bigger for yourself.
A CHOICE AT EVERY MOMENT
She left our conversations with a few takeaways for herself.
๐ฅ You have a choice at every moment.
๐ฅ Lead from the inside, and trust the ripples.
๐ฅ When the fear spikes, get regulated, go back to your vision, and trust it.
(The fire emojis are obviously mine. She's more dignified than I am.)
Full transparency here: by this point, we met twice, a month apart. Two conversations were enough to surface her equation and let her glimpse past it. But rewriting can be a slower, unglamorous work of catching the equation in the act, week after week, until a new story emerges that feels like yours. What we want to note here is that surfacing the equation matters, big time, because as long as the equation stays invisible, we're not running the equation. The equation is running us.
So some reflective questions for you, ladies.
- What is the "I'm okay/worthy if" narrative that resides underneath your strengths?
- What's the cost you're paying to keep the narrative running?
- When you're free from that narrative, what impact do you create in your greater sytems?
Let's dream far bigger than being the most efficient doer, and welcome the fear when it arrives right on schedule.
Joonyoung Kim is an executive leadership coach and founder of Mindesign. She works with leaders on resonant productivity and creative leadership, the kind that sustains rather than depletes. Based in Korea, working with people everywhere.
Liked this essay? Get the next one in your inbox.
Subscribe to Joon's newsletter โ
The Equation Running Under Your Strengths
The idea we've been chewing on since my post on the Leadership Circle, is that the inner game runs the outer game. We spend whole careers upgrading the outer game, the skills, the credentials, the results, while itโs actually the inner game that runs the whole show, completely unsupervised. When I ask leaders about their strengths, the answers roll right out: rigor, expertise, reliability, excellence, going above and beyond. We all know it and many of us have it. But ask what all that is in service of, and itโs rare that I get a straight confident answer right away. ๐
In the first post of this series, I wrote about a leader whose strength, peacemaking, was also her hiding place. Today I bring you another strength in disguise, and this time it's a big one: drive towards excellence.ย
BEST IN CLASS
One of my clients is a data specialist at one of the biggest global tech companies, and she is the definition of excellence. She does the work beyond expectation: the deep, patient work that makes everyone else's analysis possible. "I love doing the ground work," she told me, and she really means it. Her career philosophy fits in three words she used herself more than once: Being Best In Class. Pushing limits, driving results, succeeding, excelling, achieving beyond expectation. She learned early, and from more directions than one, that she'd have to out-perform in order to survive, belong and thrive. That lesson had lived in her deeply, and led her to always push herself to stretch something beyond her boundaries in every way, mentally and physically. In her world, out-performing has become a tool for accessing all the things that life has to offer.ย
And, by golly, this has been working out for her wonderfully! She has chosen to study and work in different countries from early on. She now leads a team of data scientists at the most renowned tech company of our time and influences the way technology shapes all of our lives. Sheโs a triathlete and runs daily. (This alone makes her a super human being in my book.) Sheโs a mother of a beautiful child and a partner to a supportive husband. ย Sheโs doing it all in the way she knows how: best in class.ย
However, when she came to coaching, she wanted to work on her visibility. She put it as sponsorship, as being "exposed to the right conversation." She lamented that "only so much trickles down to me." She wanted to be in the right room at the right table, which is composed of the (once again) โbest-in-class peopleโ with the right technicality, so that she could move things faster.ย
All of those concerns are real. And not just for women. For anyone whoโs ever looked around the room and found no one else like them, the external barriers are not just in your head, and no amount of inner work can make them magically disappear. The thing is we could've spent our sessions strategizing about rooms and sponsors, and those strategies have their place, of course. But the inner game was the lever she actually held, and we grabbed it the moment we started addressing what all that excellence was in service of or, in turn, costing her.ย
Your equation has been running for so long that you probably mistake it for your true identity.
THE EQUATION
Robert Anderson and William Adams, authors of Mastering Leadership, say there's an equation running under our strengths: "I am okay/worthy if I am X." For some of us, X is being liked and accepted. For others, X is being the smartest person in the room (I wrote about that type in June). For my client? X = achieving beyond expectation.
You might ask, whatโs so wrong with achieving beyond expectation? Nothing. In itself, at least. Excellence is a wonderful thing to want, of course! Wanting excellence makes us work hard and it allows us to enjoy and work toward finer things in life. Organizations can rely on these excellent people to drive excellent results and you render yourself useful, critical and valuable. Theyโre the backbone of high-achieving teams. Itโs excellent to be excellent, indeed!
However, the problem is the "I am okay if" part. ย When you run a strength through that clause long enough, it stops being a choice. You go into autopilot mode. You become so focused on producing such great results that nobody, including you, ever thinks to question: What else could there be beyond doing the work Iโm doing excellently? ย My client loved doing the groundwork. That passion is real, and no one can or should take that away from her. But that tunnel vision towards excellence blinded her from the important question that sets her up for expansion: At my most empowered state, how do I want to impact my greater systems?ย
THE FEAR
In our second conversation, she came prepared with the answer and rewrote her story. ย She wrote that - goosebumps alert! - she's a talented visionary who leads with authenticity and builds deeply useful, trustworthy products for millions of people.
Yes. You heard it right. Millions of people. What a beautiful, bold vision! ย
She felt good and excited about it. She felt at ease in such a new direction as well.ย
Then, it took about a second for fear to show up. "It's scary," she said. "Fear is my worst enemy."
We unpacked the fear, and it was along the lines of what would other people think of her for claiming a sentence that big. (Fair!) Then, she quickly debunked herself, remembering a conversation she had with a mentor in a separate context, who hit her with a comment: "Why do you care what other people think? You need agency." The comment was making more sense to her now as she started seeing that what other people thought of her vision didnโt really matter. She was piecing things together finally. ย (I deeply regret that I didnโt stand up and applaud her at that very moment. ๐๐๐)
Notice how it happened because this is the whole point of the post. The fear did NOT show up while she was busy being Best In Class. Of course not, because the equation exists precisely to keep fear away: stay where you are and keep doing what you do well already, which is to achieve beyond expectation, and nobody gets to question your value or whether you belong. The fear showed up at the exact moment she tried to author a bigger identity, because that's when the old equation raises its hand and objects. Self-authoring with greater systems impact in mind is the bold inside-out move. Once this has happened, she is not waiting for the right room to tell her who she is. She writes who she is first, and then demotes the rooms from judge to negotiating partner. If you read the peacemaker's story, you'll recognize this exact turn: inner vision first, then negotiate with the world's expectations.
FACT: fear and doubt are signals that you're doing something new or daring. (I recently got my own crash course on this. See: me, buying my office in a fit of glorious defiance. ๐ ) When the fear arrives right on schedule, it doesn't mean your new attempt, direction or identity is wrong. It simply means youโre stepping out of your comfort zone.
The old equation objects right on schedule, the moment you dream bigger for yourself.
A CHOICE AT EVERY MOMENT
She left our conversations with a few takeaways for herself.
๐ฅ You have a choice at every moment.
๐ฅ Lead from the inside, and trust the ripples.
๐ฅ When the fear spikes, get regulated, go back to your vision, and trust it.
(The fire emojis are obviously mine. She's more dignified than I am.)
Full transparency here: by this point, we met twice, a month apart. Two conversations were enough to surface her equation and let her glimpse past it. But rewriting can be a slower, unglamorous work of catching the equation in the act, week after week, until a new story emerges that feels like yours. What we want to note here is that surfacing the equation matters, big time, because as long as the equation stays invisible, we're not running the equation. The equation is running us.
So some reflective questions for you, ladies.
Let's dream far bigger than being the most efficient doer, and welcome the fear when it arrives right on schedule.
Joonyoung Kim is an executive leadership coach and founder of Mindesign. She works with leaders on resonant productivity and creative leadership, the kind that sustains rather than depletes. Based in Korea, working with people everywhere.
Liked this essay? Get the next one in your inbox.
Subscribe to Joon's newsletter โ